Thursday, November 05, 2009

Last Man Standing- A Sad ( and ridiculous) Ballad of a surviving pumpkin

"Last Man Standing", 7x5, oil on wrapped canvas (Note: Please click on the image to see the impasto better!)

Below is the sad and pitiful (and slightly ridiculous) ballad of the last man standing in the pumpkin patch, whose life has been immortalized in this juicy palette knife painting by Paintdancer, aka Maryanne Jacobsen.

"The Last Man Standing", written by Peter Pumpkin, (no relation to Peter, Peter, the Pumpkin Eater who uses pumpkins as battered wife shelters)

You know this is it. You are the LAST MAN STANDING in the pumpkin patch. Most of the others have either been sliced, diced and gutted by stupid adults cow-towing to their little kids regarding some ridiculous satanic holiday, or else they've escaped the slaughter but now their backsides are rotting in their orange skins, and as they shiver in the autumn dusk they know there's nothing in the world a pumpkin can even do to reverse the rot.

But me? Hah! I'm still the last man standing. Yep.

Even though I am standing next to an arrogant pinecone who thinks he's in charge here just because he's as tall as me! He even tried to become the focal point of Paintdancer's painting, but she's wise to his kind, thankfully. Well, just wait, Mr. PineCone. Your days are numbered, too! The Martha Stewarts of the world will quickly gather you up for festive holiday baskets soon, and you will be all alone with the other dried up pinecones in the basket, unable to even feed a squirrel, just as I am now in this frigid pumpkin patch in nowhereland, USA.

The last man (hmmmmm, maybe pumpkin is a better word) , standing in a world where no one cares. Where no one even sees that your brethren have been butchered and just murdered for fun and trysts. (or maybe pumpkin pie:0()

Trysts, you say. What is a tryst?

Just look at the purple grapes that grow next to me. These grapes know all about trysts, you see because they grow in clusters! (Please don't ask me how a pumpkin patch ended up in a vineyard, as I haven't figured it out yet either !)

But there are vineyards and there are vineyards, and I just happened to grow next to an exceptionally plump group of grapes this harvest season. Which is maybe why I didn't get sliced and diced on Halloween.

Go figure.

, , , Paintings of pumpkins and grapes, ,,.

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